So with all the drama going on today I had epiphany. Join us! Hop on to the “Portland Bandwagon”! Its never too late, we are not like LA fans, we love our team and our fans, and support them all. Our owners and GM’s nurture our players, and pay our players what they are worth. Our players love our city, and they love the fans.
Our star players, don’t “opt-out”, they “opt-in”(James Jones does not count). With so much talent, and great personalities how can you not love this team, and this city. It is the new Western Mecca of a Basketball Dynasty.
Let me break this down for you all that are thinking of hopping on our bandwagon.
Our list of Talented basketball assassins:
Greg “Babyface Beast” Oden, the guy has not even stepped onto the Gardens floor and he is already a legend in the city. This dude is prepared to tear heads off, and dunk on everyone including your mom. He dunks so hard he impregnates all the women in the stands.
Brandon “The Natural” Roy, how high does this guys ceiling go? Their is none, sky’s the limit. He cures prostate cancer with his crossover.
Travis “Trout, Trout Law” Outlaw, well bread, well fed, native of Mississippi, this guys un-orthodox jumper makes the Pope’s eye bleed. He could easily be the highest scorer on this team. Will see another break out season from this dude. Loves his BBQ, I think that is all that needs to be said about Troutlaw. His jumper cures glaucoma.
Rudy “The Matador” Fernandez, people call him the next Ginobili, I don’t know why? This dude is straight finesse, slick as the country he comes from. Expect big things from the two time MVP.
Jerryd “Pay up” Bayless, our new point guard is going to shake coma patients out of their comas. He is on the floor to kill the other guards that guard him. Straight fire.
Martell “The Prophet” Webster, he does not even have to step on the floor, but when he does all the girls break up with their boyfriends because they are all now dating “The Prophet” now. He is the ladies favorite of the team. So all you GSW Boom fans, we have something for you as well!
Lamarcus “Horseface” Aldridge, okay that was mean. His nickname is not “Horseface” but it sure in hell should be. Next Timmy D here folks. Just quicker, bigger, and meaner. “Why long in the face LA ?” Thats just the way he looks.
Joel “The Vanilla Gorilla” Pryzibilla, a beast. That’s the only way to put it. You better whip out some weapons when JPryz and Oden step on the floor together, or get Andre the Giant, because these fools are the “Garbage men”. And when I say”Garbage men” I don’t mean they guard the crap centers, these guy will murder your players, then dig a hole under your stadium and bury your whole team! (Ill bring the lime)
Sergio “Spanish Chocolate” Rodriguez, do you hear that? Didn’t think so. That’s Sergio giving your whole team a heart attack. They simply cant keep up with him. Break out season for this guy.
No need to submit applications, were already prepared for you guys, hop on. The Portland TrailBlazers Bandwagon has room for all of you.
Sick of your GM’s and owners making head scratching decisions? We don’t do that in Portland anymore, Kevin Pritchard is almost more popular then the players. I say he should run for Mayor, maybe even Governor, maybe even Pope.
Paul Allen, billionaire god. Thats it. Nothing more to be said about the generosity of this guy.
So how about it ? GSW fans are being thrown to the side, Seattle fans, Dallas fans, Phoenix fans, anyone! Come hop on board, we would love to have you. Why not be part of something that will blossom into something wonderful.
